When someone you love is living with dementia, even simple conversations can feel unexpectedly tricky. You may find yourself answering repeated questions and be unsure what to say.
If you’re supporting someone, avoiding these 6 common dementia communication mistakes can help elevate your understanding.
This makes space for more calm, and regular meaningful moments together.
1. Correcting and Spotlighting Errors
Mistake 1: You might think that correcting someone with dementia will prompt them to remember the right details. This is natural and well-intentioned.
But, for people with dementia, memory loss isn’t something they can control. Being corrected can lead to distress or confusion.
Instead: Focus on how they feel, not whether their version of events is accurate. If your mum says she spoke to her sister this morning, even though her sister lives in another country, you might respond with, “She was always so lovely to talk to,” and gently move on.
What if they bring up a family member who has passed away?
This is a situation many people find difficult. Your loved one might ask why one of their friends or relatives hasn't visited.
Should you tell them?
Consider what's best for their wellbeing. For close relationships or when a loved one is in the early stages of dementia, sharing the news calmly can be the right thing to do. You may need to remind them once or twice.
However, for people with late stage dementia or those who regularly forget, experts generally say it’s kinder not to correct them. Being re-informed about the passing of a loved one can trigger grief as if it’s the first time.
✅ Try this: Validate feelings, then redirect. Let the emotional truth guide your response.
👉 For further understanding, see: How Dementia Affects Time Perception
2. Asking Complicated Questions
Mistake 2: Open-ended questions, like “What should we do today?” can be overwhelming. These questions require memory, decision-making and language processing, all of which may be affected by cognitive decline.
Instead: Offer a few, simple choices or yes/no questions. You might ask, “Would you like chicken or soup for lunch?” or “Shall we go for a walk now, or after tea?”
✅ Try this: Break things down into clear, manageable steps to reduce decision fatigue.
3. Speaking Too Quickly or Using Complex Language
Mistake 3: Fast-paced conversations and complex words can be hard to follow. People living with dementia may need extra time to process words and form responses. Many older adults also experience hearing loss.
Instead: Slow down. Use short sentences and simple, familiar words. Pause often and speak with warmth and patience.
✅ Try this: Match your pace to theirs. If they need a few extra moments, give it freely.
👉 See: Tips for Communicating With Someone With Hearing Loss from Hearing Australia
4. Talking About Them Instead of To Them
Mistake 4: Even if your loved one seems quiet or less responsive, they’re still present. Talking about them in front of them, especially in the third person, can feel alienating.
Instead: Speak directly to them. Use their name, maintain eye contact, and include them in the conversation, even if their response is minimal.
✅ Try this: Assume they can understand more than they express. Basing dementia communication on respect goes a long way.
5. Dismissing Repetitive Questions
Mistake 5: Repetition is one of the most common symptoms of dementia and can test caregivers' patience. You might hear the same question five times within 10 minutes: How long are you staying? Are we going somewhere today? Have you seen my bag?
Understand: For the person asking, it likely feels like the first time, every time.
Instead: Answer patiently, even if you’ve said it before. Try using visual reminders, such as sticky notes or a daily calendar, to reduce anxiety around the question.
If the repetition continues, redirect gently. You might say, “You were wondering about that earlier. Let’s have a cuppa and chat while we wait.”
✅ Try this: Stay calm and validate their need for reassurance. Behind every repeated question, there's often a deeper emotion such as uncertainty or worry that needs soothing.
👉 Don't miss: How To Support Someone With Anxiety
6. Relying Too Much on Words Alone
Mistake 6: As dementia progresses, verbal communication may fade. When this happens, it’s important not to neglect non-verbal forms of communication. Your tone, facial expression, body language, and gentle touch can all speak volumes.
Instead: Use gestures, visual cues, and expressions to support your words. A smile, a nod, or a gentle touch on the shoulder can offer reassurance even when words fall short.
✅ Try this: Use your presence, not just your voice, to communicate warmth and comfort.
👉 Further reading: How to Communicate Effectively With Dementia
Tips For Using Elli Cares
Already using Elli Cares to support your loved one? You've made a great start. Here’s some things to try for better insight and connection, when verbal communication becomes tricky.
📌 Not sure if they’ve eaten or taken meds?
Check their reminders to confirm their completion and ease worry.
📌 Being asked repeated questions?
Send a short video showing how to use the washing machine or remote.
📌 They’re upset and you’re not nearby?
Record a voice reminder with comforting words to help them feel safe and reassured.
Final Thoughts
There’s no script for talking to someone with dementia. What matters most is how you help them feel safe, heard, and respected.
Adjusting your communication approach helps lift the conversation to level ground. Even on challenging days, a shared laugh, knowing smile, or a simple “I’m here for you” can be the moments that stick with you forever.
👉 Read next: How to Elevate App Reminders for Enhanced Care
