We’ve all been there. You forget something important. You lose track of time. You fumble through something that once felt easy. And suddenly, that quiet voice in your head gets louder:

"What’s wrong with me?"
"Why can’t I just get it right?"
"I used to be able to do this…"

Whether you’re aging, managing a health condition, supporting a loved one, or simply facing a tough week - self-frustration is part of being human. But it doesn’t have to define your day or derail your confidence.

This article is your kind reminder: You’re allowed to have hard moments. You’re allowed to feel frustrated. And you’re definitely not alone.

Here’s how to shift from self-blame to self-compassion - and why doing so can make all the difference.

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Why We Get Frustrated With Ourselves

Self-frustration often comes from unmet expectations - what we think we should be able to do, remember, or handle. It might sound like:

• “I should’ve remembered that.”
• “I shouldn’t need help with this.”
• “Other people are doing fine - why am I struggling?”

The truth? These expectations are usually based on outdated benchmarks or harsh comparisons. If you're navigating aging, cognitive changes, grief, or burnout, it’s natural to hit roadblocks.

But frustration tends to make us feel smaller, stuck, and even ashamed. That can spiral into inaction or more self-criticism.

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What to Do Instead: Respond With Curiosity, Not Judgment

When frustration bubbles up, try to pause and ask yourself:

• “What’s actually going on here?”
• “Am I tired? Overloaded? Distracted?”
• “What would I say to a friend who felt like this?”

These small shifts turn a moment of irritation into a moment of insight.

Instead of “Why am I so forgetful?” try:
👉 “Have I had enough water today? Did I sleep well? Could I use a reminder system?”

👉 Related blog: How to Feel More in Control of Your Memory

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Your Feelings Are Valid - But Not the Whole Story

Feeling frustrated doesn’t mean you’re failing. It simply means you care. You want to function well, contribute, be seen, be capable.

It’s okay to mourn a change in ability. It’s okay to feel sad that something has become harder. But it’s also okay to give yourself credit for trying, and to keep showing up - imperfectly, gently, consistently.

Research from the University of California, Berkeley, shows that people who practice self-compassion are more motivated and resilient over time. In other words, being kind to yourself actually helps you get more done - not less.

“When we give ourselves compassion, we are opening our hearts in a way that can transform our lives.” - Dr. Kristin Neff, researcher and author on self-compassion

👉 Read more about the science of self-compassion via Dr. Kristin Neff's work

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Practical Ways to Be Kinder to Yourself

Feeling better isn’t about ignoring frustration - it’s about responding with care. Here are some ways to do that:

1. Name the Feeling

Say it out loud or write it down: “I feel frustrated right now.” This helps you observe the emotion instead of being overwhelmed by it.

2. Take One Tiny Step

Do something simple: stretch your arms, get a glass of water, go outside for 5 minutes. These micro-movements help reset your nervous system.

3. Use Tools That Support (Not Shame)

If memory, routines, or mental load are getting you down, consider tools like the Elli Cares app. Elli offers:

• Gentle daily reminders (for hydration, meds, appointments)
• Supportive video prompts from loved ones
• A Care Team to help you stay connected
• A daily mood and symptom tracker to reflect patterns, not judgment

Sometimes, just knowing someone else is “in it with you” can lighten the weight you’re carrying.

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What Not to Say to Yourself (And What to Say Instead)

❌ “I should be able to handle this.”
✅ “I’m doing the best I can today.”

❌ “Everyone else has it together.”
✅ “Everyone has struggles - I’m not alone.”

❌ “I’m useless when I forget things.”
✅ “I forget sometimes, and I can find ways to support myself.”

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A Reminder You Deserve to Hear

You are not lazy. You are not broken. You are not alone.
You are a human being learning to navigate change, challenge, and complexity - and that takes strength.

Feeling frustrated is okay. But you don’t have to stay stuck there. With a little gentleness, the right tools, and the courage to keep going, you can feel more capable, connected, and confident again.

At Elli Cares, we’re here to remind you that aging, forgetfulness, or needing support doesn’t diminish your worth. In fact, recognizing what you need - and giving yourself permission to receive it - is a powerful act of self-respect.

So take a breath. Let go of “should.”
And give yourself the kindness you deserve.

👉 Learn more at www.elliapp.co